Love's Fate
by nyrac6275
Summary: What would have happened if Jun Pyo did not remember, did not save Jan Di? Could her love for him survive? What would it take for her to see that Ji Hoo is the one that truly loves her and has been there standing true beside her? Rated M for later ch
1. Surprise Party at the Pool

Chapter One

_Jan Di's Point of View_

After hearing Yu Mi say that she loved Jun Pyo and that they had an announcement. I felt the world drop out. I should have known from the last surprise party that I went to that I would get world changing news, never the good kind.

Ji Hoo came to me as I watched her walk back to the man I was fighting so hard to get back. Jun Pyo memories of me were lost due to car accident and with those his love for me was gone too.

I tried to cast a small smile to Ji Hoo, but couldn't. My ever, faithful "fireman" always seemed to know when I would need him. I watched as he, without saying a word took off his jacket to draped it around my shoulders. Even in my stunned state, the warmth and soothing scent of my dearest friend and protector enveloped me and gave strength. Strength that was depleting fast from all I had been through.

"Don't collapse now," I heard his soft voice whisper as he guided me back to the gathering crowd.

_He can always read me_. _What would I do without him here?_ _I must keep going. He was being strong for me. I must be strong for all he has done for me. I am weed. I can take this._

When I looked up, I saw that we were standing next to his F4 brethren. Yi Jung and Woo Bin had adopted me. They had also become my friends and protectors. They had been through my on and off again relationship with there leader, childhood friend, and brother, Jun Pyo. Along with Ji Hoo, they too had been trying to get him to remember me. It was fitting that we were standing together as the blow struck.

I heard Yu Mi announce that she and Jun Pyo were going to America next month. She stated this as she stood arm-in-arm with Jun Pyo.

He did not utter a word. He showed no reaction. He was leaving in a month from all he had known, his three friends, his home, and even me, the one he had proclaimed so fervently that he loved time and again. He had fought for me against his mother and her machinations yet he was going to leave without even saying the words goodbye himself.

I knew that he had forgotten me but I always thought it would take time and now had run out. I knew this would be the last time I would be in the same vicinity as Jun Pyo.

_What can I do?_ I did not have the heart to chase him to a foreign country again.

_Will anything be enough?_ I had tried reenacting scene from our past to no avail. I had tried cooking his favorite lunchbox. I even had shown him the necklace he had designed for me.

_Is he just lost to me forever? _

I am brought out of my musings by the feelings of betrayal expressed by the F4 brothers. They had not known of his plans. The friends he had held closest told everything to and they had been in the dark like me. Shock and hurt rippled across Yi Jung and Woo Bin's face and even though Ji Hoo's face was stoic, I could feel the tensing in the arm he wrapped around me to guide me away.

He walked me back to side of the pool where he had found me earlier. I could feel his worried eyes as told me that he would be back with a glass of water. I did not look at him as he walked away but I could feel that the calm peace I feel when I am around him leave with him.

Tumultuous and depressing thoughts washed away the sweet shock that had held me numb. Nothing I had done was enough. Jun Pyo was going to leave without a backward glance. I was left as the only one holding the torch. The love that I had fought so hard against and now clung to so desperately was starting to feel dark and obsessive.

A quiet, shy voice could be heard in the din of thoughts. _Do you really want him to remember?_

I was shocked by the mere idea!

Of course I wanted him to remember me! This is why I am fighting so hard! We were destined to be. He had told me so himself! I had not asked to fall in love with him but he stormed into my life and stole my heart. We have been through so much! I could not let end here, end this way!

_What has he truly lost?_ The voice spoke up much stronger now. _You gave up your father, your mother, your brother, your home, swimming, your resolve, and especially who you are. The control you had over your life before going to Shin Wa High School has disappeared into him and trying to fit into his world. You have forfeited everything for his hollow words of love and fickle vows of devotion that only surface when he is out of the scrutiny of his mother._

Reeling from the painful blows those thoughts had wrought, I opened my small, pink purse to find the one solid, tangible symbol of Jun Pyo's love for me, the necklace that he had given all those months ago on the balcony of the ski lodge. I stared at the diamond-encrusted star with a crescent moon enclosed that he had designed for me with our initials on the back. He had given it to me with the threat of death if I lost it, a common warning he gave. Then he had drawn me close to tell me what it represented. He was the star and I was the moon inside that he would never let go.

But he had let me go not long after giving it to me. And even though he had finally come back after much pain and many hardships, he was letting me go again.

_I had given up so much for him. Was there one more fight left in me?_ I literally had nothing to lose.

When I looked up and saw him strolling my way with his head down, I had my answer. Fate was giving me one last shot. I had to take it for my heart, my future happiness, and everything I had lost.

If he had been not been staring at the ground he would not have come that close to me. He had told me to stay away from him. I was the crazy girl he did not remember. The one who had almost kicked him in a reenactment from our past and had screamed and fought with while I had tried to bring about a glimmer of recognition. He thought I was Ji Hoo's girlfriend though he could not fathom why his best friend would want be with that nut job. He already thought I was crazy. Why not go for broke?

When he finally did see me, it was too late but he was already turning away. When I call his name, I was a little surprised he turned back around to me.

I once again asked him if he recognized the necklace I had in my hand. He said no but I pressed further.

"Do you know whose names the initials on the back stand for?" I asked.

He took the necklace that I handed him and dutifully read the J J on the back. I could see that it sparked no recognition by the look on his face.

"I am returning it to you."

"I don't want it," he stated distastefully, "if you don't want it, throw it away yourself."

Though part of me expected the word, it still hurt. My consolation was that in his sharp words, I had an epiphany. As he handed it back to me, I knew now what to do for my last attempt to return his memory. Everything was riding on what I was about to do.

I enclosed the necklace in my hand, said prayer, and tried to pull strength and hope from love the pendant represented. This was my last stand. I then threw it into the clear depths of the pool.

I ask him to answer one last question. "Do you know how to swim?"

"Swim? I don't swim," he said as he looked away.

"Don't swim or can't swim?" I countered.

"Because of a bad experience when I was a kid, I don't swim. I've never done it,' he admitted reluctantly.

"No. You do know how to swim."

Though he looked at me incredulously, I knew he could swim. He had saved me when I had tried to retrieve the necklace from the hotel pool during the time we where their with his then fiancé and Ji Hoo. Gun Pyo told me he had learned to swim because of the incident at the beach in New Caledonia where I had nearly drowned due to a muscle cramp. He had had to watch Ji Hoo save me while he waited frantic and helplessly on the shore. He had learned to swim for me. I was one on the things I had found most endearing. He faced one of his deepest fears for me, because he loved me.

"What are you? Who do you think you are to blab off about me?"

"You don't fear anything in the world, but you are so scared of bugs, you shake," I barreled through before I lost my nerve. "You are the idiot who would rather his ribs all bust apart than see one finger on his woman hurt. You're the idiot who does not know the difference between 'privacy' and 'pride', who insists that like a train that swallowed its heart that the 38th Strategy is running away. You freak out when it comes to kids, but you want to be a devoted father who will go out and look at the stars with his son. You're a lonely but loving guy."

"Who do you think you are?' he asks, not believing my guile.

"That's who you are, Goo Jun Pyo."

"I'm asking who are you?"

"You call it out. My name."

Looking him straight in the eyes I walk a few steps backward towards the pool. This is it. My last shot. This is my last card. I have bet our future on this outcome.

I silently thanked Ji Hoo for the strength and support I have felt while wearing his coat but I have to do this last try on my own. Still staring into the dark depths of the guy whom I have fought so hard to love and win back, I tug off the comfort and solace contained in the jacket of the man who had been there for me, ever waiting in the wings.

I closed my eyes and fell into the cool, clear depths of the pool. Sinking, I released the air from my lungs. Once I reach the bottom, I extend my hand and grasp the necklace I had thrown in. Once enclosed in my hand, I place it over my heart. The panic of seeing me drown was the only hope I had left of reaching through the mental blocks in Jun Pyo's memory. I was leaving it up to fate and our destiny now.

Darkness was quickly enveloping me. I yearned and prayed to hear the splash of water that meant that Jun Pyo remembered me and was diving in to save me. He loved me. Though his mind could not remember me, his heart would not let me drown. He said he would never let me go.

But I was wrong. Jun Pyo did not rescue me. Our love died with me at the bottom of the pool.

_~I read again what I had written and I am sorry to anyone who read this. Although it is probably not better now, I hope I made it a little clearer. Thanks for your patience~_


	2. In the Ethos

Chapter Two

_Jan Di's Point of View_

I floated in a dark world. All my senses were muted. Only the sensation I had was the feeling of cold loneliness. Even the burning in my lungs, desperate for air was gone now.

Everything had gone wrong. He was not going to rescue me. The fearless Goo Jun Pyo had forgotten his vow to protect me. He had forgotten it along with everything he had forgotten about me. I did not matter to him anymore.

_I had been such a fool! _

So desperate to see love for me shining in his eyes again. To feel his strong, loving arms envelope me once again. To watch his full lips whisper "I love you" before he would bend and kiss me until I was senseless. For these, I gave up the last thing I had left to give him.

_My life._

In the darkness, I cried for everything I had lost. I had lost everything that had made me who I was. Who I had been, I had sold for the hope, the slightest of possibilities, of gaining that shining love that always seemed just out of reach. If I try harder, I had thought, sacrificed just a little more, then our fated love would be ours.

But I had been the one to do the sacrificing. My pride and self-respect had been taking hit after hit. I had become the damsel in distress time and time again. I did not like who I had become.

What had he lost? He still had his fortune and fame. He still had his three buddies. His empire. His future. With me being gone from his memory, even his heart was not lost to him anymore.

Being bitter and holding a grudge did not suit me either. Jun Pyo had let me go. Even if he was not conscience of his actions due to a medical condition, it had been me he had forgotten. Of all the things that had happened in the last year it was me and only me that was gone.

It was time to let him go but _could I_?

He was what I had been fighting for. How could I just let him go and with him all the dreams and the hopes I had for our future together? Hopes and dreams had been my succor, casting away doubts and fears that continually haunted me.

_Stupid girl, your future is gone now! This is the end. Make your peace. _

Pragmatism cut through the tangled grayness that had enclosed my heart. These were my last moments. As a final act of love, I could let Jun Pyo go. He was not mine anymore.

_Let him find his peace, his happiness_ I prayed.

In one instance I felt all the hurt, insecurity, and fear that had permeated our tumultuous relationship radiate pain throughout me.

Then I felt it all leave. I felt broken, empty, but relieved. The healing balm of the sweet and caring part of our love stayed, sealing the cracks left by our petty bitterness.

I felt lighter, unburdened.

Then the darkness began to lighten as in a sunrise. In the dimness I saw a tall figure drifting towards me. With the aurora's glow behind him, I saw the face I had been looking for. Jun Pyo was coming towards me and this was the Jun Pyo I had lost. I could see his love for me in his deep ebony eyes. His smile lit up his face. This was the look that I had been hoping to see.

"Thank you for loving me enough to let me go. I am deeply sorry for all the pain I caused you," I heard him say when he reached me, "I want you to be happy now."

I was bewildered. He was how I dreamed he would be and now he was telling me goodbye. Looking up at his beautiful face, I felt what in life had been a tear slip from my eye.

When I felt his lips touched mine, I felt the rightness in our goodbye fill me. For a moment I lost myself in him, relishing this sensation one last time.

Then it was over.

"Be happy, my sweet Jan Di," he said before he faded into the growing luminescence.

I felt his love in my heart but for the first time there was no pain. Our love was not gone but it enriched me, the feelings of obsession were gone. _We_ were now a precious memory for me.

Everything continued to get lighter and soon I noticed that I had not been as alone as I feared. The golden beauty of Ji Hoo had been the source of the illumination that now surrounded me. His stunning smile was just for me. He had been in the gloom with me. He had been there beside me. I had not been able to see him because of the darkness and the misery I had wrapped myself in my single-minded fixation of Jun Pyo.

Now I wondered how I could have seen anything but my dear Ji Hoo.

Without him even touching me, I could feel his love and warmth radiating throughout my heart, throughout my entire being. Playing as if on screens around him were my memories of him and the times he had shown how much he loved me.

Love that I thought I did not have room for in my heart because of Jun Pyo. I had been wrong. My love for him had always been there and it had grown, filling me completely. It was me that had shrunk my life to only Jun Pyo. Now I had released that myopic world go to step into the universe of Ji Hoo's unwavering love.

In turn, my love for Ji Hoo was larger than anything I had felt for Jun Pyo.

I was in awe. Pure and true love like this did exist. Ji Hoo was my soul mate. I reveled in this knowledge.

But sadness washed over the feelings of elation. I had discovered my true heart's desire too late. My life was over but I felt that I could take this glorious love with me wherever I went. In this bittersweet revelation I felt another tear slip down my cheek. Once again I was face with leaving my love. This time it hurt worse because I had not known what I had until it was too late.

"Come back to me," Ji Hoo said as he reached down to wipe the tear away. He bent his head toward me and I felt his lips on mine, breathing life back into me. His touch was stronger that any sensation I had felt since coming here. I felt it with my whole soul.

"Come back. I love you. Come back to me." He grabbed both my hands in his and I felt him pull me up. Up through the time and space. Back up into my body.

I was cold, wet, and coughs wracked my body but I never felt better.

I was alive!

I took a deep breath in and felt the oxygen flow throughout air starved body. The brightness of the world made me blink but I was searching for the face I knew I would see. I could feel that he was holding me. My precious fireman had saved me once again. My heart was soaring.

Wrapped in his arms with his deep brown eyes looking worriedly into mine I felt I had come home. Although it took all my strength and my body was not completely under my control yet, I forced my arms to wrap around him. With my left arm, I pulled his head down and kissed his surprised lips.

I did not release his lips until I felt him respond. I pulled deep into my newly rediscovered love for him, trying to show him, in that one gesture, that I was not wasting anymore time. I only stopped kissing him because my body needed air.

_I knew now how precious time was. I was not going to waste anymore of it. _

My strength was sapped however so with the last bit I had left, I looked into his eyes so he would know it was him I was I was speaking to.

"I love you, Ji Hoo," I said to his surprised face as I felt my weariness drag me down into unconsciousness.

**yukie-senpai** – sorry to have scared to have scared you. As you can tell she is not dead but I thought that the only way she could get over her love for Jun Pyo is for her and it to have died in that pool. (Even if it was a Buffy-esque first death.) I hope you continue reading.

**Tiamatnerwen – **Thank you for being for being my first reviewer! It was so sweet! Yes, at some point they will go to his house for comforting but even I will have to wait for that.


	3. Ji Hoo's Perspective

_Thank to my sweet, three wonderful readers! Thank you for thanking this journey with me. This chapter is a little rough. I found it kind of hard to write from Ji Hoo's perspective and it will probably come of syrupy and melodramatic but he is my Ji Hoo and I love the idea of him being this kind of gooey goodness. _

_**Tiamatnerwen - **__I promise next chapter or maybe the one after will have Yi Jung and Woo Bin's reaction._

Chapter Three

_Ji Hoo's Point of View_

I had left the stunned Jan Di at the poolside. Once again Jun Pyo had hurt the woman I loved. Jan Di, my precious one. As long as she wanted my best friend, I would do anything in my power to make her heart's desire come true. My pain could only be alleviated by her smiles, a priceless commodity that had become so rare.

Just like in one of my favorite memories, I wish that I could bind up her wounds just like when she had wrapped my finger after my violin string snapped. She had woken me up from my lackadaisical existence. Her persistence and moxie pulled me out of my shell and would not let me slink back. The fact that she lived gave me the strength in the morning to get out of bed.

She taught me how to love when she pleaded on her knees for Seo Hyun not to leave because she knew that it would hurt me. Even though she loved me and I could see her fervent hope that I would return her love, she put that aside to beg so that I could be happy. Only a stone statue could not be touched by her gentle, caring heart.

Now her heart was not mine anymore. I stand in the background waiting to help her anyway I can. It is my punishment for not reciprocating Jan Di's love when I had it. I wasted my opportunity chasing the ghost of love for Seo Hyun. While I had spent my time in Paris, discovering the one-sided illusion that my feelings truly were, Jan Di had been swooped up by my best friend. I had not been ready when her heart was open to me. Now apparently, I lost my only chance.

If I could not express the love that I felt in my heart in the standard ways that a man shows a woman then I would find some other way. But how did you save someone who did not want a white knight to ride in to the rescue?

I learned by in how she treated all of Jun Pyo's elaborate gifts and high-handed methods and schemes. She wanted to stand on her own two feet. Her pride would settle for nothing less than being an equal partner in any relationship she had. You could not just buy her or her affection. It was both exasperating and endearing. She could not see that just being able to be around her was worth everything I had.

So now I just try to be there for her anyway that I can. A friend she can talk to and be encouraged by; a gentleman that holds her as she cries and tenderly wipes away the tears. Tears that break my heart as each one falls for the pain caused due to her love of a man I think of as my brother.

The latest tears being caused by Jun Pyo saving me from being run over by a disgruntled ex-Shin Wa empire employee, then taking the hit and losing his memory of her. I feel her anguish in once again losing her loved one but there is a selfish part of me that wants her to finally give up on Jun Pyo. So now I felt the guilt for almost losing my friend who saved me, horrified in myself for wishing to take away the one he loves.

But he continues to rip her apart. She is becoming a ghost of her former self. I watch, helplessly, as her heart is macerated by either his words or actions. With this amnesia, I am watching the heart go out of her. I never thought I would see her in a worse state that when Jun Pyo spurned her in Macau, calling her a stain in his life, but I was wrong. How much more could she handle of being thrown against the rocks?

How can I not want to be there for her when she had been there for me so many times? She saved me from the smallness of my pity party world. She showed be how wrong I had been about my grandfather. Never letting up on the two of us in her typical stubborn manner. Because of her diligence I got back the precious memories of my parents and got to spend more time with my grandfather that I had been so sure hated me and could not forgive for the death of his son and daughter-in-law. Now the ring that I wore around my neck on a chain that had been passed down from my grandmother to my mother, was waiting to grace Jan Di's hand. I would give it to no other. She was a vital part of me. She was my heart.

I felt a blinding nearly crippling pain of not having my love for her returned to me but it was nothing like the pain of not having her around. I could be her anything as long as I got to be around her. She was my strength. Anytime she needed to borrow some, it was hers. Anything I am or have belongs to her.

I had left her before and dearly regretted it. I would _never_ make that mistake again.

For that I had to watch as Jun Pyo captivated, captured and controlled Jan Di. I kept waiting for my friend to protect the woman he said he loved but instead he let his mother destroy and devastate the foundations of Jan Di's life. That evil dragon took away her parent's livelihood, the family home, her parents. Then finally her brother had to leave when mommy dearest had the apartment building they were staying at demolished.

I had tried to help once when her parents could not find a job by giving them employment at my family's art center. I wanted to just give her money but I knew she would not take it. It was not enough the dragon's claws were embedded much further than that. Jan Di had not wanted to burden me with her problems so I had to seek them out and I found out too late.

Throughout this she kept fighting for her love with Jun Pyo. So I became her cheerleader, her friend, and her shoulder to cry on when she needed it. All the while treasuring each moment with her, each embrace. Even each precious tear I wiped away became my way of showing her the love in my heart. While I did not want her to cry, I valued being able to dry the tears and bring a smile to her face. I would do anything to keep her smiling forever.

There was a constant turmoil in my heart. Help Jan Di win back Jun Pyo's heart and memory all the while watching as a little more of her dies when each attempt fails or…

Or what?

I really had no other choice. As long as she wanted him and not me, I would help her. All I could really do is hope. Hope that one day she has had enough. Hope that one day she would see that I truly love her. See that she truly loves me. See that we are perfect for each other. See that we are soul mates.

_All this waiting and pain! God, I am a masochist!_

_But she is worth it!_

When I heard the splash, I felt the alarms, as she calls them, go off in my heart. I knew that she was the one in the pool. Since taking the chair blow for Jun Pyo when she had been kidnapped, her shoulder was weaken and she had trouble swimming.

My heart stopped.

_Had she finally had enough?_

As much as I would like to think that she would not try to kill herself, I had never seen the desolation in her eyes like I had seen when I left her at the pool to get her some water. Had I left her too long while I was trapped in my musings?

I raced back to where I had left her to find Jun Pyo staring at the water with a troubled look on his face. Maybe she was trying to get through to him by making him face the fact that he could swim? He had faced his fear of swimming because he wanted to be the one to save her after not being able to save her in New Caledonia. I knew that he had saved her when we were at the hotel with Jae Kyung, his then fiancée. But why was he not saving her now? I could see that she was not moving at the bottom. How could he not help her?

I tried holding my friends back that were pushing against me as I held them back; they wanted to save her too. But I had to give Jun Pyo time remember, to give Jan Di her chance.

But the alarm in my heart was starting to fade. I knew that she was dying down at the bottom of the crystal clear pool. Alone.

"NOOOOO!" I screamed as I jumped in.

I could not live without my beloved Jan Di.

I gave Jun Pyo time but once again that thickheaded bastard was putting her life in danger. I could give and forgive a lot of things but not if she died. I became more and more frantic as the alarms grew silent. She was gone.

Not on my watch.

I pushed my body harder. I could see her. Just a few feet more. Oh God, she was so still. The only movement was her floating in the current of the pool. When I reached her I looped my left arm around her and pulled with my right for the surface. I swam her to the closest side of the pool. Only relinquishing my hold on her to left Yi Jung and Woo Bin pull her up. I don't remember how I got out of the pool or where Jun Pyo was. I did not care. Jan Di was my only concern.

I pushed people out of the way to get to her. No one was going to stop me from getting to her. What I saw scared me. She was so still, so blue. I shook her and called her name. When I touched the pulse point on her neck, I felt nothing there.

"Come back to me," I cried as I reached down and touched my lips to hers for only the second time in my life. I blew air into her lungs praying that it would bring her back to my life.

"Please! Please! I love you! Come back to me!" I screamed as I gathered her in my arms. I did not care who saw as I wept bitter tears. I was losing her. I was losing my life.

_No!_

Once again I breathed into her praying, bargaining, pleading. I could not lose her.

Pain and fear swelled in me. I was not getting through.

Just when I had almost given up hope, a miracle happened. She gasped in a breath and started coughing. I could feel and hear her heartbeat. That sound was the sweetest symphony I ever heard. She had come back to me. I would never let het go again.

When she opened her eyes, she smiled at me. Her eyes were glowing with love. The love I used to see in her eyes when she loved me. It must be a dream or my imagination. I was dumbfounded at seeing it again aimed at me.

I was more surprised when I felt her still weak arms wrap around me but that does not compare to how completely floored I was when she brought my head down and kissed me. I felt her lips move against mine.

_Maybe neither one of us made it out of that pool. Could this be happening?_

Part of me did not care as long as I could continue feeling her in my arms, kissing me. I stayed in a state of surreal pleasure as I felt her lips continue, begging mine to kiss her back. I could not resist. I was rewarded by receiving a kiss from her that made my heart sing and my soul quiver.

All to soon it was over but then I heard the sweetest words I will ever hear.

"I love you, Ji Hoo," she said while looking straight into my eyes.

I felt her go limp in my arms but stopped panicking when I heard her cute little snore. She was worn out and frankly so was I. The roller coaster ride of today had sorely sapped both of our energy but I still had to make sure she was safe and taken care of. One thing was for sure, whether it was to the hospital or to my home under the supervision of my grandfather. I was not letting her go again.

Losing her twice was too many times.

_Hopefully you will find that it was not as bad as I thought it came out but I'll get better:)_


	4. Coming Home

_To all six of my readers so far, thank you. You kind words give me the strength and inspiration to keep this going. There will be more after this. Please keep reading and reviewing. _

_If I was a better writer, maybe I could keep them in character but this is my fantasy and I like super-mushy happy endings._

_*Disclaimer – I do not own the characters depicted within this story. Wished I did !_

Chapter Four

_Ji Hoo's Point of View_

I stared down at the angel that had fallen asleep in my arms. I was mesmerized by the fact that she was still here with me. Moments before, I had been terrified that she had been lost to me. Yet here she was weary but alive.

I thanked God that she was still on this side of the mortal coil but I wonder what happened while she was in the in-between. I was still in shock first from being so close to losing her to how she had acted when she woke up.

Had she lost her memory too? Why had she looked at me the way she was? Had she regressed back before her involvement with Jun Pyo?

That did not seem to be the answer. She had called me by my first name. She never called me by my name. I was always Sunbae. No matter how much I had yearned to hear her say my name. But now she had. Along with the other words I have so longed to hear her say.

"_I love you, Ji Hoo."_

And the kiss…Oh God…the kiss!

It had been assertive, almost desperate. She had kissed me like she had not seen me in decades. It felt possessive as if she had been staking a claim. Her kiss had shaken me down to the depths of my soul.

I did not know what to make of all of it. My heart is soaring with all the wonderful possibilities this could mean but I don't know I can stand the fall if I am wrong.

_Could all of this actually have happened?_

Can someone go from desperately chasing and loving one man then change in a manner of minutes to loving someone else? What it possible? Was I foolish in hoping so?

All this supposition was getting me nowhere. I would have to wait to ask her when she woke up. If this had all been a product of my own mind, then I would cherish the memory. Right now we were wet sitting in the middle of a crowd in the cool night air.

Just then I felt a blanket being wrapped around my shoulders and looked up the see the crowd parting to let a medical team through. Though it was one of the hardest thing I have every done, I let them take her from my arms. I felt the acute emptiness immediately.

I listened halfheartedly to the barrage of questions. What happened? Am I okay? Did I feel any pain anywhere?

"No. Just take care of her," I finally said.

I was grateful that Woo Bin had stepped in to answer the paramedic's questions. I heard him tell her that Jan Di had tripped and fell into the pool and that the only one who had been near her did not know how to swim. He told them that they called after I dove in and rescued her. She was not in the water for long.

I was thankful for his quick thinking. If they had thought for one moment that she had done it to herself, they would have put her in observation thinking she might have tried to commit suicide. I know deep down in my heart that for whatever reason she did what she did, killing herself was not her main objective.

I hear another paramedic tell Yi Jung that she was very lucky. Her color and pulse was good but they wanted to take her to the hospital to watch just in case she had struck her head in the pool.

"I'm taking her home with me. My grandfather, Dr. Seok Young Yoon, lives with me. We could watch her for signs of concussion," I flatly told them. Though I rarely used that tone, my voice brooked no argument.

I heard Yi Jung call to have my car brought to the entrance while I walked back to pickup Jan Di that also had a blanket around her. She was still sleeping. I squatted down to gather her in my arms to lift her. I felt more relaxed having her back in my arms, feeling that she was still with me.

As I approached the elevator for the ride down, I noticed that Woo Bin and Yi Jung were walking at my flanks, escorting me. In the elevator, I saw the questions in their eyes. They mirrored my own. Or so I thought.

"What is going on?" Woo Bin broke in to the silence to ask. "What happened between the two of them?"

"Where is Jun Pyo?"

Yi Jung's question surprised Woo Bin and me. With all that had happened, I had not cared at the time. Jan Di had been my only concern but it was odd that neither one of my friends knew what happened to him. At least one of the four was told where the other of us had gone.

We all remembered Jun Pyo standing by the pool with a torturously confused look on his face but our attention had went to Jan Di at the bottom of the pool. What had happened to him?

Once we reached the first floor and I secured Jan Di in the back of the limo with me, I heard the two making plans to find him. I was entrusted with taking care of Jan Di. They would get no argument from me. I trusted them to find and take care of Jun Pyo. Jan Di was the one that needed me and I needed to be with her.

During the ride back to my house, I once again gathered Jan Di in my arms. This time I placed her in my lap. I found that I had to touch her. I needed concrete proof that she was still here with me. I had come so close to losing her forever. Feeling that she was alive alleviated some of the fear that still remained.

I inhaled her sweet scent and felt her warm, soft breath tickle my chest where two of my buttons had come undone. It brought me peace. I would never take anything about her presence for granted again.

When we stopped in front of my house, I felt her stir in my arms. I looked down to see her mahogany eyes staring up at me. She smiled and I felt that she was happy to be in my arms when she woke up. I felt her wind her arms around my neck and snuggle closer.

"Thank you Ji Hoo for saving me," she whispered as she brought my stunned lips down to hers for a second time tonight. Though this kiss was more of a peck, once again I felt the electricity charge throughout my whole body. Her kiss and saying my name. I was amazed once again by how those two simple acts could render me into putty in her hands.

I would never get tired of her beautiful voice saying my name. Each time sent a tingle down my spine.

"We need to go in," I said shakily as I took her arms from around my neck. Kissing her again was too tempting with her pouting lips pointed up at me. We both needed to get out of our wet clothes and I needed a little distance from the situation. She was acting like a fantasy come to life and I was finding it difficult to remain a gentleman.

I got out first and presented my hand to her to help her disembark. The blanket she had been wrapped in fell away to be left behind. She continued to hold my hand, lacing her fingers through mine, all the way to the front door and down the halls to the living area near my bedroom. I reluctantly let go of that contact to go into my bedroom to get dry clothes for her and I.

When I returned to her side, I handed her a set of my white sweatshirt and sweatpants. They would be loose but she would be warm. Her house shoes that I had gotten for her when she had lived my grandfather and me she was wearing now.

"Go take a shower then put on these dry clothes. I don't want you to catch a chill," I told her as I guided her to my bedroom. "Use the bathroom off my bedroom. I'll shower in the other one. I'll put some tea on for us."

"Okay," she said, "but I will need you to unzip me. I can't get it myself."

She turned her back to me and I swallowed a moan as quietly as I could. Jan Di was in my bedroom and I was unzipping her dress. This might seem innocuous request but more of my fantasies than I care to count had started this way.

My hand trembled as I unveiled inch by inch of her creamy back to my hungry gaze. It was all I could do not to lean forward and taste that luscious flesh to see if it tasted as good as it looked. I had seen her back bare before, in her swimsuit and in the white peasant blouse in when we fished in New Caledonia, but it had never looked as inviting as it did now. Especially since I saw that she was not wearing a bra.

I stepped back and took a deep calming breath. "Done," I proclaimed.

When she turned around to smile her thanks at me, it was my lascivious eyes that darted down and noticed that her nipples were taut against the still wet silk fabric of her light pink dress. Definitely a cold shower for me.

I turned to retrieve the clothes I had picked for myself earlier to find a note from my grandfather saying that he was spending the weekend with an old fishing buddy and that he would be back late Sunday evening.

With him not there I wondered if I should take Jan Di to the hospital after all. She seemed to be okay but I did not want to take any chances.

_If I needed to though, I could fly in a doctor on a helicopter_, the selfish part of me retorted, _you can be stay here with her and make sure she is okay._ Selfish me won because after nearly losing her permanently tonight, I really did not want to share.

I turned on the kettle on my way down the hall to take my shower. I would not take long. I needed to get back to be near her as soon as I could. I was feeling withdrawal in not having her where I could see her.

I showered quickly and noticed when I was putting on my clothes that I had forgotten a shirt. A quick inspection of the laundry area showed the efficiency of my housekeeping staff. Not one shirt remained. I draped the towel I had dried off with around my neck. It would preserve a little modesty if she saw me.

As I made it back to the living area, I noticed that the kettle had not even started whistling yet. As I got closer to my room, I found the silence eerie. I was expecting to at least hear water running. I found the lack of sound worrisome. What if she did have a concussion and had passed out in the shower? Could she be in trouble on the other side of the door and I had been so worried about my libido that I left her again?

As time passed and worry mounted I became more and more frantic.

"Jan Di," I called as I knocked, "Jan Di."

Still no answer.

The door to my bedroom was still unlocked. I went inside hoping to hear some sign that she was okay.

"Jan Di, are you alright" I call once more.

Silence.

Spurned on by all the horrible scenarios playing throughout my head. I yanked open the door to my bathroom. I felt her collide into me and in the surprise of our momentum, I fell backward a few steps right on the bed. I felt her land on top of me.

"Jan Di, are you okay?" I asked once more.

I felt her sides heaving. At first I was worried that she was hurt then I heard one of my favorite sounds. She was laughing. I felt the fear leave my body.

"Ji Hoo, I'm fine. We really need to recalibrate your alarm," she said pulling herself up on her arms and staring down at me with a huge grin, her large, luminous eyes glowing with laughter. Enchanted by her and the sound of her mirth I joined in.

But then we both noticed at the same time that her sweatshirt had ridden up in the fall and her bare stomach was touching my shirtless torso. Electrical charges were passing through that area of direct contact. I could see the burning awareness that I was feeling mirrored in her eyes.

I could I feel my arms reaching up to twine around her of their own volition. I heard her breath quicken and watched as her lips descended toward mine. My left hand was under her sweatshirt touching her bare back drawing circles on her delectable flesh. I heard her moan into my mouth and undulate with the new sensations created by contact of our bare skin.

This was fast spinning out of control as I felt her lips part and her tongue trace my bottom lip. It was my turn to moan as her right thigh that was between my legs rubbed up against my growing erection before moving over so she was straddling my hips. It was driving me wild especially when her hips innocently started thrusting into mine.

I had to stop this now. With willpower stronger that I ever knew I possessed and despite all the growing demands of my body, I sat up on the edge of the bed. She was now sitting on my thighs her legs straddling me and we were still kissing but the stimulation of our pelvises touching was broken. As I pulled away, I heard her sigh at our lips parting. Stopping was almost as difficult for her as it was for me. Our foreheads were still touching as we both took a deep, shaky breath.

"What happened tonight? I don't understand," I asked breathlessly, tilting her face so I could look into her eyes. "What changed between when I left you at the pool and rescued you from it?" I had to know, even if I did not like the answer.

I watched as tears filled up her eyes and spilled over.

"Oh Ji Hoo! I don't know if you will believe me," she sobbed as another tear fell. "Part of me wonders if what happened could truly happen. But I want you to know that I see you now. I see all the love you have for me and have had for me all along," she said, holding my face tenderly in the palms of her hands. She leaned forward and kissed me tenderly, and I felt how much she truly appreciated all the love I gave her and all the ways I showed it.

Then she wrapped her arms around me tightly, hugging me to her as she wept. Then she pulled back and I could see her eyes glisten with tears but her eyes were smiling, shining with love. Love just for me.

"And I feel all the love that I have for you that had been blocked by my obsession with Jun Pyo. Oh God, all the time and tears I wasted on him while you were always in my heart. Nurturing me. Supporting me. Loving me in your quiet Ji Hoo way," she continued as another tear fell, "I feel awash with my love for you. It fills me up and I can feel it in every cell of my body. I feel cleaned and renewed by the magnitude of my love for you. I never want to let it go. Never let you go again. Please, please believe me! Say you love me too."

Her eyes were pleading with me but I was dumbfounded. This was my fondest dream. Why wasn't I jumping on it?

_But it was all so sudden. _

It had been about an hour since I left her standing desolate and depressed in her love for Jun Pyo. And now she had done a 180 degree turn and now was pleading for me to love her back. It just sounded too good to be true. Could I trust my heart that was screaming for me to put away my fears and follow it in loving her completely?

For better or worse, how could I not? My heart belonged to her already.

So I said the words that I had only had the courage to say aloud once while she was sleeping.

"I love you Jan Di. I always have. I always will."

The shrill whistle of the kettle in the next room could not penetrate the world in which we created with our next kiss.


	5. Jan Di's Choice

Chapter Five

_Jan Di's Perspective_

Though the sensation of having lips on mine nearly blocked out the rest of the world, a high-pitched whistle was starting to pull me out of my happy place. What could it be? It sounded so familiar. I tried to ignore it but it kept at me until I remembered.

The kettle for tea!

As I was pulled even closer to his hot, shirtless chest that singed me even through my borrowed sweatshirt, I really stopped caring. Oh he smelled so good. Everywhere we touched, even through two-plus layers of clothing, tingled and burned. I felt engulfed in his kiss as his lips nipped and danced across mine. When I felt his tongue graze along my bottom lip, a charge of pure electricity shot down my spine. I gasped in surprise only to be rewarded by his tongue slipping between my lips and cause fireworks explode throughout my whole body as his tongue played with mine.

I was falling quite eagerly back into my world of delicious pleasure when that annoying pragmatic side reared its ugly head again. It pushed the mega-willpower button, the one I have trouble finding when I want to use it, causing me to pull myself away from paradise to take care of the dratted kettle before it caught something afire.

"Ji Hoo, the kettle," I stated rather sullenly, not wanting to care about it as I felt his head dip to tease the sensitive place I had beneath my ear lobe. Frankly, I never realized how many places on my body were erogenous until Ji Hoo touched me.

I could tell when my words sunk in as I felt lips stop and pull away from my neck. I could not stop the soft moan of disappointment as felt them leave. His eyes stared into mine and I could see that he was debating with himself like I had been. Neither of us truly wanted to stop but we were both running very hot. Our hormones were pushing us full speed ahead into something we both wanted but were we ready to go there right now?

I saw the naked desire become veiled behind the gentleman he was. It made me a little sad to see it go but I knew that I would see it again. Soon, hopefully very soon, his eyes would burn for me again. Next time I would be ready to reciprocate.

I felt loss as our arms unwrapped around each other. As I got up from straddling his lap, I told him that I would make our tea.

As I left the room, I felt flush. Not from embarrassment of what we had done but how much I did not want to leave his embrace. I had never seen Ji Hoo's bare chest before except when the wind blew his shirt, gracing me with stingy glimpses of his chiseled beauty. Now not only had I seen, I had touched! Next time I had the opportunity; I was going to touch, kiss, and taste all that perfect expanse of skin.

I blushed even deeper, if that was possible. I was having trouble calming down. Not only had I been this close to giving Ji Hoo my virginity, when I told him that I loved him, he told me he loved me too. Even though he had shown me all along that he loved me, hearing saying it was a dream come true.

When I first met him, I had daydreamed of hearing the words but I never could have dreamed about the crooked path it would take to get us to declaring our love for one another. Even back then when I was so sure of my love for Ji Hoo, it would not have meant as much as it does now.

A few hours ago, I had been a different girl. Stubbornly holding on to what I had thought was the love of my life, so sure that the destructive passion Jun Pyo and I had with each other was it. It had taken me losing everything, including my very life, to see what a precious gift I was being selflessly given by Ji Hoo. He had saved me from more that just the water's deathly grip, he saved me all along.

The love I had for him in the beginning had grown and was still growing even when I was not there to tend it. I smiled to myself as I thought of our love being like a weed: a strong, indestructible force that would not wilt in the face of adversity. Even though both of us had loved other people, it had grown and now was stronger. We each had taken care of it alone, waiting for the other. Who knows how great it could become with both of us enriching it?

He had released me when I was in turmoil over how I felt for Jun Pyo helping me, encouraging me to find what my heart truly wanted. Now my heart and I have decided. I wanted Ji Hoo to understand with clarity what had happened and without the fog of physical desire.

I will tell him what went on after he left me at the poolside, all of it. Even though he said he loved me and always would, will he believe this? If I had not went through this, I don't know if I would believe it was possible to change so much after such a small amount of time.

During my musings, I had been putting the tray together for our tea without playing attention to what I had been doing. I had unconsciously made black tea, a rich flavor that I loved to have when I am feeling anxious.

And I was anxious. Anxious to find out if he could truly accept how much everything between us had changed and believe what part of me could not even believe. All this felt so drastic and suddenly but also like it had taken a long time coming. He was the only one in my heart now. My once seemingly all-encompassing love for Jun Pyo had been released giving room for my love for Ji Hoo flourish. I marveled at how free and right my heart felt now. I had no doubts that I loved Ji Hoo with my whole heart and soul. I only doubted that he could believe the rapid about face that had happened.

If all he needs is time to understand that I love only him, then I would invest the time. My heart was not going to change again. Our souls had fused. He had waited patiently for me I would do my best to do the same for him. I wanted everything now but only if he was ready.

There was no turning back. I had found my soul mate. Ji Hoo was my future. We would be friends, lovers, husband & wife, and, hopefully, one day parents. He had told me once before that he could not live without me now I could not live without him. Back then I thought I could not separate myself from Jun Pyo, now I was. It was time for me to let go of the one and only thing that was a symbol of my time as Jun Pyo's love.

I pulled the moon and star necklace out of my pocket and stared at it one last time.

That is how when Ji Hoo stepped out off his bedroom he found me. Looking at the emblem of a former love.

I saw pain in his dark eyes. I felt anguish in causing him that pain. I had never wanted to hurt again.

Before I knew what he was doing, he turned to walk down the hallway, taking long, quick strides away from me. He was going towards the front door. My heart stopped as I realized this. I ran after him as quick as I could.

He had read the situation wrong. I had to stop him. I had to make him see. This pendant meant something different to me now. I was not missing Jun Pyo. I was officially saying goodbye.

I grew clumsier as I chased him. The house shoes I wore offered little traction but I had to make it to him. Bruised shins and sliding into walls did not matter if I could just reach him.

"Ji Hoo," I called from the other end of the room as his hand touched the doorknob. He turned around to look at me, and I could see the lone tear that ran down his right cheek and the others that were waiting to spill.

I knew my next words would be crucial to both our future.

_~Thank you for all my readers both new and in from the beginning. It is taking me longer to write this that I thought. Though I know where I want it to go the journey is taking longer than earlier planned. Thanks to everyone how sticks with me~_


	6. Vows

Chapter Six

_Ji Hoo's POV_

I felt so foolish in having run but the pain was so intense I had to get away. I felt the tears burn my eyes. I could not take it.

_So close. _I was so close to my dreams, I had been holding forever in my arms. I felt I had been melting into her. We were fusing, no longer two people but one.One and _finally_ _whole_.

_So sweet._ The sound of my name and the words I love you being said in her soft voice and shown in her velvety brown eyes. The taste of her lips, the feeling of her arms around me, skin touching skin, heartbeats racing together. The oh so, sweet sounds she made as my touch or my kiss found each new sensitive place.

When I felt her move away from me, it felt like part of me was being ripped away. But we had been going so far, much farther than I planned on going. She was not ready to proceed down the carnal path we had been traveling, but I was. Only the gentleman in me had been able to wrangle that monster.

As she left to get the tea, I had strolled over to the bureau and stared at myself in the mirror. There I saw the lust that was glowing in my eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to extinguish the fires that still raced through my body. All I wanted to do was grab her up, toss her on the bed beneath me and…oh I could come up with a million things I wanted to do to her in that moment.

I grabbed the first shirt I came up with in the first drawer I opened. Wouldn't you know it would be a white button-down. I took it to the bathroom attached to my bedroom.

I saw the light pink dress she had been wearing draped over the shower door. I pulled the still damp fabric to my nose and breathed in the Jan Di's soft fragrance that could not be masked by the slight chlorine scent in the rinsed out silk. I grinned.

I turned back to the sink and splashed cold water in my face, still trying to cool off my hormones. I put on the shirt and turned to walk in to the kitchen planning on wrapping my arms around Jan Di. It had been far to long since I had held her, touched her.

When I saw her staring at the necklace Jun Pyo had given her, I felt my world drop out. It did what the cold water could not accomplish. I was awakened out of my dreamlike state.

_She still loved him._

After everything, she still missed him. I should have known that it was too quick. But I had deluded myself. I had hoped, dreamed for so long. After touching the dream, being so close, I know that being second place, second in her heart, I could not do it.

I had deceived myself thinking that I was okay with crumbs, but after sitting down to the banquet…it was no longer enough.

_I want everything._

_But_, warred the other half of me; she does deserve to have time. She is showing that she is open to you. Don't let selfishness, greed, and pride steal that away. Hours ago there was no chance, now there is a glimmer of hope.

Ugh! I'm tired of being the nice, considerate one! The one who does not get the girl he loves. I'm sick of being the one in the wings, waiting. Trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, while my friends and loved ones step on mine with no remorse.

I know she does not set out to hurt me, but she can so easily. I was wrong thinking I was a masochist earlier. I don't like the pain. I just can't see away out of the pain while loving her when she does not feel the same.

She is my life and I want her with every fiber of my being. I want her to be happy and it rips me apart each time she can't see that I can be her happiness, just like she is mine.

I was drowning in my turmoil and pain when she turned around to look at me. Her eyes met mine. I could see her surprise and something more…more painful than I could imagine. I saw guilt. Guilt that I had caught her missing Jun Pyo. Guilty in that she could see the pain written on my face. Guilty that she could not love me more than him after all.

I could not take it. I am ashamed that I ran like a little boy but it was too much. I feel so naked, laid bare to the pain: raw and hypersensitive. I could not take her eyes looking at me that way. I had to get out.

Only her calling my name, breathless with tears in her voice could stop me, make me turn around.

I could barely see her for the tears that had built in my eyes, burning. I blurrily saw her coming closer to me, felt her trembling hands reach up and grab my face. She pulled me down until she could kiss away my tears; tenderly kiss each eyelid.

"Oh my sweet Ji Hoo, I was not missing Jun Pyo. I was thinking he was wrong. He told me that I was the moon trapped in the star, never to be released. But I am. I was saying goodbye."

My face still nestled in her hands, I opened my eyes and saw the truth and love shining in the mahogany depths of her eyes. Her heart was laid bare, glowing in her eyes. She truly loves me. It was there written on her face. The pureness of that love stole my breath away.

I believed now. I don't know what happened while she was in the pool but somehow, someway a miracle happened for us both. I felt my insecurity, my doubt fall away. She loves me. She loves _me_, no longer Jun Pyo.

"I have just been carrying this so long, too long," she admitted indicating her right hand where the necklace still dangled. "Trying to hold on, trying to justify my hold on him. Thinking that if I held it close than he would know that I still loved him and come back to me. But now it is time to let it go. My heart has already let him go."

I watched as she tossed it in a corner, her eyes never leaving mine. I heard it hit the wall. I felt her fingers move from my cheeks, graze my neck, tracing the chain down to the ring lying beneath my hastily donned shirt. She pulled it out, holding it in her right hand, running her fingers over the gold band.

"This," she stated her eyes still locked with mine, "This is what I one day hope you will give me again. I will wear it proudly on the day I prove to you how much I love you. I vow one day, I will earn the love you give me by causing you no more grief. From that day onward you will never have to feel insecure again, never have another doubt that you are the only man in my heart. You offered it to me once when I was not ready to take it. I did not know my own heart then, I know my heart now."

I felt her let the ring down easy then run her right hand down my arm, pulling my left hand and placing it on her chest where her heart was. I could feel her heart pound against her rib cage beneath my palm. I felt her left hand slide across my chest, resting over my heart. I took my right hand off the doorknob to put it over the hand on my chest. In that moment, I felt connected to her like I have never felt to another. Love was circulating through our palms, through our eyes filling the two of us. It was a perfect moment where the two became one. A tear of pure happiness fell from my right eye.

I wrapped my arms around her pulling her closer, deeper into my embrace. Her hands, lying palms down, push my shirt to the side so she can kiss my chest, right above where my heart is beating. The tender sweetness of the action melts my heart.

"This ring has always been yours," I tell her as I reach up to release the chain from my neck, slipping the ring off. I drop to one knee looking into her eyes once more, not embarrassed as I thought other men surely feel, but honored and hopeful, "This ring shows my intent to woo and one day marry you. All the love that has been felt by the couples joined by this ring, my grandparents and my parents, I feel for you. You say I saved you but you saved me with your love, your compassion, your understanding, and your tenacious spirit. I love you Jan Di. My vow to you is that I will use everyday of the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. How much I value and respect you. I treasure all the love and kindness you give me. Thank you for being you and for loving me. I already feel married to you in my heart but I humbly ask you to love me and one day become my wife."

I see the love and tears glistens in her eyes as I stand up and place the ring on the ring finger of her left hand. It fit perfectly.

"I don't know what miracle happened at the bottom of the pool when I could no longer feel you, but I thank God it happened. I will never again doubt your love and will love and support you with all that I am if you will have me."

"Yes, I will marry you, Ji Hoo, my soul mate," She said tears streaming down her face, smiling, pulling my face to hers, sealing our vows with a kiss.

I lifted her up in my arms and carried her bride-style to my bed, our bed.

_~ The next chapter will definitely be for mature audiences. *__hint hint__* Thanks for sticking with me. I was expecting to get to the "intimate" chapter before this but I am looking forward to writing it. ~_


	7. Chapter 7!

Chapter Seven

_Jan Di's POV_

As he carried me down the hall, I looked at the ring on my left hand. It should all feel so sudden, but instead it felt so right. I should be scared of what we were going to do next, out of the bounds of matrimony but Ji Hoo felt like my husband. I could not feel more connected to him if we would have had the ceremony.

He is my life, my soul mate. He is the one to whom I belong. I know that he will do everything in his power to take care of me but he will also let me stand on my own two feet. Ji Hoo will expect me to be his partner. We will share each other's burden and each other's joy. He will continue to be there for me as he always had been. I will do my best to be as good at it as he is.

I looked up at his perfect face and marvel at the fact that he loves me back. His autumn locks, his soulful eyes, his breathtaking smile, his soft lips, his lithely sculpted and supple body, all for me to look at, touch and kiss whenever I want. His strong, warm arms to embrace for the rest of our lives. Time will change his body, turn his hair gray, and his beautiful face will wrinkle, but I will always see him as I do now. My friend, my lover, my husband and my soul mate; he is my precious Ji Hoo.

When we make it back into the bedroom, he places me gently on my feet next to the bed. I watch as he reaches over to pull the white sheet and comforter down. He turns to me and I see love shining in his eyes, but there is something else, apprehension.

"Jan Di, I know that a lot has gone on tonight. I know that it is improper for me to ask this but I can't be away from you tonight. Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight? I won't ask anything more of you but please stay with me, let me hold you," he said staring into my eyes, his hands cupping my cheeks.

I'm sure my stunned look must have been written on my face.

"That's all?" I questioned.

"I am sorry that I am being so bold. If that is too much to ask maybe I can sleep on the floor while holding your hand. But I need to feel you. I need to know that this is not a dream. That you won't disap-."

I stop his words with a kiss. I wrap my arms around, leaning into him. I don't know much about seduction but I do to him what turned me on earlier. I tuck my left hand under his shirt, running my fingers over the smooth tan skin, feeling the muscle bunch, move, and almost quiver under my touch. With my right hand, I glide over his hair, trail my fingers over the sensitive skin behind and below his earlobe, then down his neck, over his collar bone, down his chest, splaying my fingers over his tight abdomen. All the while, kissing his luscious lips, licking his bottom one, trying to gain entrance into his mouth.

I hear him groan as he puts his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away. When I look into to his eyes, I can see the fire building. His breath is quick and ragged. I revel in my new found power.

"Jan Di you can't do that. I am trying to be good right now. I'm having trouble right now not…well in being a gentleman. You can't kiss me or touch me like that. I want you too much. We can wait," he said. I could see him fighting, trying to regain control of himself. Too bad I was not going to let him.

"I don't want a gentleman. I don't want you to be good. I want you to be my husband. In my heart, that is what you are. We said our vows in our own ceremony yet you still doubt that I will be here, like this in the morning. You think that I will stop loving you at some point to night and you are willing just to hold me? I want more. I want to finish what we started earlier before that blasted kettle stopped us. I want you Ji Hoo."

I barely got the last out before he crushed me in his arms. His kisses were deeper, hotter than ever before. I felt singed as I felt a bolt of pure…I don't know what course through my nerve endings. My body felt hot, molten. I felt a tingling between my legs and in my nipples. My lips were hypersensitive, feeling every brush of his lips and every lick as his lips plundered, making me weak in the knees. I have to break off our kiss, gasping for air only to start moaning as his lips nip and lick my earlobe, my neck, and the hollow of my collarbone.

"You win but we are going to do this my way. I am going to touch, kiss and lick every square inch of your delectable body. I have been dreaming of doing this forever. I am going to make you gasp, sigh, moan, squeal, shiver, and scream before I am done. You will be my music, my own personal Stradivarius. And you will love every minute of it. Now turn around," he breathed into my ear sending vibrations of anticipation racing throughout my body.

He turns me around and I feel him tug up my borrowed white sweatshirt up over my head. My back is exposed freely to his gaze. I feel the heat from his eyes and jump slightly when I hear his voice, back heavy whispering in my ear, "You don't know how badly I wanted to touch, to taste your beguiling back earlier. I almost could not control myself. You are so beautiful Jan Di. I ache to touch you, to hold you, to make you mine."

I feel his right hand brush the hair away from the nape of my neck. I get chills as I feel him kiss the back of my neck, feel his tongue through his parted lips. The power of this new sensation weakens my knees. He catches my around the waist, and I feel his bare chest come in contact with my sensitized back. I moan as I feel the electrical charge that comes from our flesh meeting. I don't know when he took off his shirt but my fingers itch to touch him, my lips long for his. I supplement this want by trailing my fingers down the arms wrapped around my middle, supporting me, as I turn my head so he can kiss/lick my other shoulder.

I feel him place me in the middle of the bed, on my stomach with my arms splayed, my head turned to the left side. I feel the bed dip as he climbs over me first one knee then the other as he straddles my hips. I gasp as I feel his nails lightly rake over my back, making me shiver and squirm. I lose the ability to breathe as his tongue licks up my spine then over every inch of my back, making my toes curl. His hands follow along my arms to interlace with my fingers as he reaches over to kiss my lips. Our tongues intertwine, dancing along with each other. I feel his hot chest brand my bare back. My overexcited nerve endings delight in the skin contact.

While he is still kissing me, his trail back down my arms, down my side to the waistband of my sweatpants. His fingers loop under my panties as I feel him slowly draw them both down kissing every bit of the skin on my hips he exposes. I feel him move to stand up as he continues to pull my remaining clothing off. Out of modesty I close my legs together once I am completely nude to his gaze. But he is not put off. His hands caress and knead my thighs and calves while his tongue works its magic on the inside of my ankle, bend of my knee, the crease where my thighs touch stopping just before he gets to the junction of my thighs. I can't control the moans, the sighs, or the quivers I feel as he strums me like his guitar.

He kisses the bottom of my each of my feet before I feel him crawl over me again to send shivers down my spine as he whispers, breathily into my ear, "Time to turn over."

His body is straddled over me giving me room to flip under him. For a moment, a wave of shyness washes over me, but when I turn my head a little further to look into his eyes, I feel it flow away. In presenting myself to him this way, he will see me only a bit at a time as he gently devours me the way he did my back. I feel giddy in my eagerness to experience more of the new, heady sensations he is introducing to my body. When I turn over I am rewarded by one of Ji Hoo's breathing taking smiles and soul scorching kisses.

Now I am free to wrap my arms around him drawing him down for our first fully bare chest contact and it was bliss. We both gasped mid-kiss at the power of this new sensation. My nipples tingled under the electric barrage of our proximity. In fact I tingle all over. Each movement creates an almost unbearable friction with his skin. I have never felt so aware of my own body.

I heard myself involuntarily mew when he pulls away. I miss the contact but not for long. He started raining kisses, licks, nips down my neck, over my collarbone, and down the middle of my chest stopping a little past my navel. During this, he moved down my body until he was standing at the edge of the bed. With one last kiss/lick on my quivering belly, he stood up.

I watched his eyes, his expression as he had his first look at my fully exposed self. I was awed by the look of reverence and love that shone through his countenance. He looked at me as if I was birthday, Christmas, and New Years all rolled into one. I felt treasured, beautiful, and even sexy. Especially with his last wicked grin as he was about to go in for the kill.

While he had been looking at me, I had been looking my fill too. I was getting and eyeful of his gorgeous, tight body but was frustrated that while I laid here fully nude he still had his pants on. That was not fair. So I proceeded to tell him so.

"Ji Hoo, you are overdressed. You are seeing all of me, I want to see all of you," I stated jarring him out of whatever plan he was about to enact.

"My clothing," he smirked, " is a barrier that I am keeping so that I can continue adoring every inch of you without taking you right now. They have to stay at least for a little while longer," he finished with a devilish twinkle in his eye.

But I was not having any of it. It was my turn to smile at his look of astonishment as I sat up then got up on my knees. I moved forward where I was within inches from him. His eyes burned into mine as I placed my hands on his shoulders to, at first, steady myself then as I sat on my heels, I drug my hands languidly down his toned chest, his carved abs to the waistband of his khakis. He was shaken out of his thoughts by the boldness of my actions. As I undid the button, his hands grabbed mine stopping them from undoing the zipper.

"Jan Di," his voice had a warning tone as if he was barely holding on to something dangerous: himself.

"At least the pants?" I tried to compromise. I could see how tenuous his control was but I had to press further. "You have something on under them, right?"

"I have my boxers but…"

"Then I demand your pants," I said cutting him off. I looked down trying to get my hands free so I could divest him of his khakis.

He took a deep breath then lightly squeezed my hands before he released them. His words however stopped me from taking my victory.

"I want this to be special for you. This is your first time. You never get another first time. I want to be able to control myself, to show every little piece of your body how much I love and adore you. How beautiful, precious, you are to me. I want you to know how honored I feel to be with you, here, sharing and joining our body, our lives forever."

I looked up to see sincere love radiating from his eyes, his face, and somehow his whole body.

My right hand left his zipper to cradle his cheek in my palm. "Ji Hoo, my first time will be special because you love me, because it is you. I'm not expecting superhuman control from you. I want this to feel as special for you as it does for me. I want to learn what you like too so can drive you to the edge like you drive me. I want to be you partner in this, not just the recipient."

"Although," I conceded, "In the future maybe, especially if you can be the recipient sometimes too," I said blushing as I bit my bottom lip.

His hands came up to cup my face as he kissed me sweetly, passionately. I felt his hands leave my face, next I heard a zipper come undone then the sound of fabric hitting the hard wood floor. I smiled while we were kissing just before his tongue stole my thoughts. I closed my eyes to savor the sensation. I felt myself falling backward once again into the soft embrace of the cotton sheets. I felt him holding his weight above me but his time his legs were between mine. I rubbed my right leg against his, enjoying the feeling of his flesh touching mine in a new area. I rubbed my hands down his sides because he was still an arm's length away. When I got to the point where I should have come into contact with his boxers, I was still feeling skin?

My eyes shot open and I broke off our kiss. His face was above mine grinning, with a wicked, burning look in his eye. We were both naked. I would soon feel his whole body, without barriers touching mine. I found myself grinning back, looking forward to finally feeling all of him.

With that he kissed me again, this time holding his weight on his elbows, lowering first his chest, then his abdomen, and finally his hips to mine. Everywhere his body touched mine, I tingled. It was almost unbearable but I found myself wanting more. With my arms I tried to either bring him closer or pull myself up to touch more of him. My breasts ached with the sweet contact but between my legs, I was on fire. I felt a hardness pressing against me, teasing me. I tilted my hips up and both of us caught our breath and moaned from the friction where our flesh met. I moved again wanting to recreate the sensation. We both groaned as it happened again.

Ji Hoo then moved his hips up and away from mine. I felt searing hardness drag away sending tingles up my spine and deep between my legs. I felt hot, wet, and ready though I did not know for what.

I felt him move further down my body. When he laid down this time his abs were between my legs. His hands and face were now at the right angle and place to continue his offensive assault on my body by kissing down my chest and all around my breasts except for the turgid peaks that were screaming for his touch. When his palms gently grazed my nipples, I jumped from the magnitude of the sensation. I watch him as he studied each breast first with his eyes then with his skillful fingers as he captured each nipple between his thumb and forefinger. When he lightly twisted each, my head fell back into the mattress, I moaned and thrust my hips involuntarily.

I raised my head once again to see what he was going to do next. He was staring right into my eyes as he licked my left nipple. I was mesmerized as he gently sucked my nipple then rasped his tongue across. His left hand continued to torture my right breast while his mouth tormented my left. Just when I thought I could take no more, he switched.

I could not be still. My hips continued to thrust up wanting something, so ease I could not find. My fingers were running through his hair, not knowing if I should make him stop or never let him stop. I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I was building toward something, but whatever it was not enough.

"Please Ji Hoo," I begged, "I need more. Help me."

His answer was his mouth leaving my nipple to trail down my stomach. I felt his body move back further until he was kneeling beside the bed. He grabbed my thighs in his arms and pulled me closer to the edge. He then placed my bent knee over each of his shoulders. I was embarrassed being so open to his gaze. I covered myself with both of my hands. Undeterred, he started kissing and licking the inside of each thigh working his way to the apex.

By the time he got to the center of me, my hands were trembling. When he licked my fingertip, I was a goner. My hands fell away. Whatever he had to offer I was going to take it.

I felt him move my hips closer, into better range over his soft lips and wicked, wicked tongue. He first kissed my lips down there making me shudder then I squealed as his tongue traced along the slit finally dipping between. I gasped and mewed when he came into contact with a nub filled with hypersensitive nerve endings near the top. I felt a finger on his right hand join in the exploration first rubbing the little nub then dipping further down before touching an opening near the bottom. My breath caught as I felt him insert it into me the draw it back out. When I felt it go back in, my hips bucked upwards trying to get him deeper than before. He soon set up a rhythm slow at first then quicker. Then I felt him put his lips around the sensitive point and the sucking and licking quicker and quicker keeping time with his finger.

My hips had a mind of their own. My finger curled into the sheet, pulling at them. I bit my bottom lip until I tasted blood. My heart was racing. My breath was erratic when I could breathe between every sigh, moan, and squeal I made. I was on fire. Going crazy. Building and building I felt like I was being pushed toward something frightening, something amazing.

He kept going. Faster, harder he seemed to know what I needed even though I did not. I felt him insert another finger. The stretching and fullness seemed to be what I needed but still something was missing.

Onward I went him pushing me, coaxing me. I could feel myself getting closer until finally I was there. I felt my whole body spasm especially somewhere deep inside, where his fingers were still moving in and out slower now his tongue not so frenzied but still causing explosions that made my toes curl and my eyes roll back into her head.

She felt him stop, withdraw his fingers and give one last kiss lapping up the moisture that flowed from me.

He laid down beside me wrapping his arms around me drawing my boneless self to his side as he lay on his back. I felt him kiss the top of my head and run his fingers through my hair with his left hand.

With his tender ministration I felt myself falling asleep, sated. Almost…

_~ There is more but I thought this a good place to end (for now). Since I don't know if they have Sex Ed in Korean culture I made Jan Di ignorant of what goes on in the bedroom. I had her main drives be love, lust, and curiosity. I hope you enjoy this installment like I enjoyed writing it. Please review, I get giddy when I see and email that says I got a review. They keep me going. Until next chapter…~_


	8. The Decision

Chapter Eight

_Ji Hoo's POV_

I stared at the ceiling, ecstatic and exultant. My body was screaming at me for its completion but I had done what I set out to do. I had controlled myself enough to bring Jan Di to her climax.

I could still smell her and taste her sweet nectar on my lips. All her sounds, mews, sighs, gasps, groans, moans, and screams combined to be the most sensational symphony I have ever heard.

When I hear her soft snores again, I smile. I hug her to me for a few minutes longer before I gently extract myself from underneath her to get up. Careful not to wake her, I lift her up to turn her in the bed so that her head is now on the pillow. I pull the sheet and the light comforter over her, taking one last look at her beautiful nude form, and bend to place a light kiss on her forehead.

On my way to the bathroom, I pick up the discarded black silk boxers I was wearing earlier. I once again take a cold shower to cool off, all the while thinking about what had transpired tonight.

Tonight felt surreal but I can still smell her, still feel her in my arms; I taste her on my lips. And now the ring I wore around my neck was in its rightful place on her finger.

Tonight had started out with me bracing myself to help her, to be there for her. I had stood helplessly by while she was sad, distraught, and for a few agonizing moments, dead.

Then when she came back…she came back _to_ me.

She loves me! Her eyes show it. Her actions prove it. She is going to marry me. She let me give her my ring and shared her body with me. It was almost too much to take, but I was going to take this chance and her love with both hands, never letting go.

The cold water was doing little to ease my libido as I remember what we did and how she responded to everything I did to her. She was so eager to finish where we had left off earlier, I knew that I would not have been able to resist if she had continued touching me innocently yet so provocatively. I did not really want to resist but I have no condoms here. As much as I would love to watch Jan Di carry my child inside her, she still had little bit before she finished high school then she wanted to go on to become a doctor. I wanted her to be able to do these things without taking on the role of mother so soon.

I chuckled to myself, unless we learnt some restraint, I could see many more cold showers in my future. The genie had been let out of the bottle and this was just the beginning for both of us.

Turning off the cold water tap, I noticed that I had not gone down any. I am still painfully erect because of the innocent yet sensual nymph lying nude in my bed. I could take care of the issue in hand but it seemed a distasteful way to end such a beautiful experience. I decided to put on my boxer and tough it out.

When I reached into my cabinet drawer to get toothpaste to brush my teeth, I saw the temptation that was lying inside. A new, full box of condoms that I did not know I had. For all my best intentions in waiting until our wedding night, the lust monster that had been a constant presence tonight roared. I felt my inner gentleman's resolve weaken.

I knew that she would welcome me; that I could turn her on again. But _should I_?

It had been hard enough to resist her without this temptation. I had pushed myself almost to the maddening point when I took all my clothes off to lie on top of her. The feeling of her breasts pressed into my chest, her legs around me with the friction of our cores touching. It had been all I could do not to slip into her slick heat. Only the lack of one thing had been strong enough for my mind and my heart to stop my body. And there a package of twelve lay.

I felt a shudder of pure lust ripple through my body. Right then I did not feel like a "nice guy", I felt like a predator.

I took a deep breath then looked at the man in the mirror. There was wildness in his eyes, my eyes that I found a little frightening.

It was pure want.

I grabbed entire box, stalked out of the bathroom, ready to pounce until I saw her lying in the bed snuggled down. Her left hand was resting on the pillow next to her still sleeping face. The ring twinkled at me. She looked so cute and peaceful lying there in my bed, a small smile tugging up the corners of her mouth.

'_Twas beauty that slayed the beast_, I quoted to myself.

The driving need to possess her, to ravage her morphed into wanting to hold her as she slept. I could wait. Wait until the moment was special not just a slaking of lust.

I put the condoms in the drawer of a bedside table then climbed into bed. While lying on my back, I pulled her sleeping form to me, placing her head over my heart. I kissed her hand, right above where my ring lay, thrilled that she had accepted it, had accepted me. I snuggled closer, marveling at how good it felt to have her laying next to me. She fit perfectly. I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep looking forward to waking to our first morning with her by my side.

Little did the sleeping couple know of the beast, staring through the window, growing angrier and angrier at what he saw.

_~Thank you everyone that put this story on your alerts, made this your favorite story, or reviewed. Thank you yukie-senpai confirming what I already knew should happen. Thanks for sticking with me & this story, all my faithful readers. Until next time…~_


	9. Jun Pyo's Awakening mini chapter

_~To my wonderful readers, this is really just a mini-chapter, I have had things going on that have sapped my creativity for this story. I still know where I am going to go but not necessarily how I am going to get there. It has been so long since I have updated that I am giving you this partial chapter. I am NOT stopping this story by any means. I will carry on to the end but you deserve to have something to tide you over while I figure out the story's path. Thanks for sticking with me and I will be updating soon! Thanks for sticking with me and this story!~_

Chapter Nine

Pain.

Flashes of light, of pictures rush through my head. So fast that I can't see them, understand what they are. I see smiles, tears, and someone falling away.

Bombarded with images and intense feelings, I am trapped inside my own mind yet I can't think.

I feel myself stumble, fall, the physical pain barely registering through the pain in my head and in my heart.

Lost.

Lost in a sea.

Everything came flooding into me. I can find no escape. I don't want to see; don't want to feel. The pain is too much.

Then it all starts to make sense. The one, the weed that snuck through the cracks, destroyed the foundation of the wall around my heart.

Jan Di.

She made me feel.

Made me feel everything. Made me see how small I was. How hurtful, how cruel I was to others. How hurting others truly hurt me.

Her eyes haunt my soul. I see her eyes snapping with anger, dazed in her bewilderment, smiling in her glee, glowing with her warm love, and most recently, shattered with pain.

My Jan Di is in pain. Pain I caused. Pain I seem to bring her despite my best intentions. This time the pain I see has left her broken; her soul is the one that broken this time.

I screamed, cried my frustration at being the one to do this to her. All my love seemed to do was hurt her, break her, and in turn, break me.

Her fractured soul dimly lit in her eyes, blinked in my mind then everything went black.

I felt nude, standing in the cold, pitch black void, complete bare to the pain that rushed through me, worse than any pain I had ever felt before. It consumed me. Ravaged in its clutches I had no defense, no way to alleviate my suffering. It was a compounding of my pain, her pain and the pain I had caused my closest friend and enemies. I felt it all, deserved it all.

Then suddenly the pain was gone, leaving me bereft, empty.

Nothing.

Nobody. I was alone. More alone than I had ever been.

My heart was empty. Something was missing.

She was missing.

No.

She could not be gone from my heart. I would not allow it. She was the one, my one. I would not let her leave.

Determined, I snapped back into myself. I looked around at the dirty alleyway I was sitting in. Where was I? How did I get here?

The last thing I remember was the party at the pool on the rooftop. Talking to a crazy girl in pink. No wait it was Jan Di. She handed me our necklace. I remember her looking hurt as I handed it back.

_Did I really tell her to get rid of it?_

She looked determined as she turned back to me after throwing it in the pool. Why would she throw it into the pool? She could not get it. Was she trying to hurt me again?

But I was not the one hurt. I watched her toss away our love and it did not hurt. Why? Looking back I feel the pain. Why not then? What's going on?

Why did she seem like a stranger? Why had I not embraced her, kissed away her pain? Stopped her from falling into the pool?

Oh my God, she did fall in the pool! So desolate, broken, her face held the look of resolve. She fell into the pool and I did not save her. I did not move. I was paralyzed. I saw her in the water, not moving and I did not go to her.

Instead, I ran. The flashes started and I ran. I left her to die. I left my heart to die in the crystal clear water. I was a coward and a liar. I broke my promise to protect her. Once again, I left her to her fate to protect myself. I could not blame my mother this time. I did it myself.

I had to find her. Surely, she was ok. Others had been there. I remember seeing Yi Jung, Woo Bin, and Ji Hoo run up. They saved her.

They had to have.

Where the hell was I? I had to get back. How much time had went by? Was I too late?

I stumbled down the dark alley, intent on one thing.

Jan Di.

I could not feel her. Shouldn't I be able to feel her? Wouldn't I know if she was already gone? Wouldn't my heart be broken if she was no longer here?

Right?

I finally made it to the street. I looked around, realizing that I was actually in the alley at the base of the hotel. I raced towards the front, desperate to get back to the pool. The elevator was taking forever. Maybe if I climbed a couple of flights I could meet it. On the tenth floor, I finally did. Pushing past a group of bewildered people, I hurried in hitting the button for the rooftop pool.

Once there all I was the cleaning staff, removing all traces of the party from before. I saw no one there that I knew. Dazed, I stood there, wondering what to do next. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone only to come up empty. It was gone along with my wallet. I had no idea where they were. That is when what two women were gossiping about caught my attention.

"Were you here when that girl almost drown in the pool earlier?"

"Yes, I was serving drinks when we all heard the splash! I got to see this gorgeous guy work on bringing her back. With what peeks I could see through the crowd, I saw that he was truly worried about her. Oh, to have a guy like that begging me to come back to him," she giggled as I saw her fan her flushed cheeks.

It must have been Ji Hoo. He must have saved her. I know that he loves Jan Di but for him to make a spectacle of himself like that and about my girl…we are going to have to talk. I am glad he saved her but she is mine!

I need to find her. One of my boys should know what hospital she is in. Reaching into my pocket for my phone I realize once again that I don't have it. No phone. No wallet. No money.

Jenjang! I need a phone.


End file.
